| [velvet_liselle] Wednesday, May 18, 2011 11:44:08 AM | |
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Sally's mum comes to Andy's father and says:
- Your son played doctor and patient with my daugher yesterday
- Well, it's understandable, kids at this age are attracted to the opposite sex, so certain things are ...
- It would have been much better if he just had shagged her. He took her appendix out!!!
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| [vanessa JudasReis] Wednesday, May 18, 2011 11:32:58 AM | |
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Thanks Velvet Liselle . I'm gonna pick up a few pairs of tights. Woo-hoo!!
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| [velvet_liselle] Wednesday, May 18, 2011 6:38:34 AM | |
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A man and a woman after a hot one night stand action, they're sweaty and exhausted. He says to her:
- Honey, if I had known you were a virgin I would have been more delicate.
she replies:
- If I had known you were so randy I would have taken off my tights.
A wife enters the bathroom when her husband is masturbating in the shower.
- What are you doing? - She's scandalized.
A husband's not embarrassed:
- It's my body and I'll wash it as fast as I want.
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| [velvet_liselle] Tuesday, May 17, 2011 6:00:34 PM | |
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| [velvet_liselle] Tuesday, May 17, 2011 3:34:48 AM | |
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| [velvet_liselle] Monday, May 16, 2011 6:08:14 AM | |
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| [velvet_liselle] Monday, May 16, 2011 6:07:02 AM | |
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| [velvet_liselle] Sunday, May 15, 2011 5:02:24 PM | |
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| [velvet_liselle] Saturday, May 14, 2011 4:21:22 PM | |
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Little Johnny's father asked him, "Do you know about the birds and the bees?"
"I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting into tears.
Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong.
"Oh dad," Little Johnny sobbed, "At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really fuck, I've got nothing left to live for!" |
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| [velvet_liselle] Friday, May 13, 2011 9:40:12 AM | |
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Q: What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
Before you start thinking about something naughty;) this refers to wine tasting |
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| [metalgodess] Thursday, May 12, 2011 7:14:43 PM | |
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 Spa - I'm definitely using these this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by spapad from Thursday, May 12, 2011 6:54:21 PM)| |  | spapad wrote: | | I only know a couple of jokes, and they are from a guy, so they are from a guy's perspective.
How do you make your wife scream during sex?..........................Call her while your having it.
How do you make your wife scream after sex?.............................Wipe your dick on the curtains.
That is about the extent of my joke knowledge.
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| [spapad] Thursday, May 12, 2011 6:54:21 PM | |
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I only know a couple of jokes, and they are from a guy, so they are from a guy's perspective.
How do you make your wife scream during sex?..........................Call her while your having it.
How do you make your wife scream after sex?.............................Wipe your dick on the curtains.
That is about the extent of my joke knowledge.
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| [velvet_liselle] Thursday, May 12, 2011 6:49:20 PM | |
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I just died laughing
So woman comes home from work to find her husband standing there blow drying his dick... "what are you doing?" she asks him.... "I'm warming up your dinner!!" he replies! |
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| [velvet_liselle] Thursday, May 12, 2011 11:03:38 AM | |
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A groom enters church and takes his place next to the altar. His best man notices a big grin on his face.
- What has happened? I know that you're happy about the wedding but you even look excited...
- Of course I'm happy... I've just had the best blow job in my life done by a woman who's marrying me.
A bride enters church smiling and visibly content.
- What's going on? I didn't know you were so happy about this wedding... - her maid asks
- Of course I'm happy. I've just done the last blow job in my life!
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| [thekissofjudas] Thursday, May 12, 2011 7:45:43 AM | |
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Having fun, sinfully funny, gals
Enjoy your day  |
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| [velvet_liselle] Thursday, May 12, 2011 7:44:08 AM | |
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aparently;)
[Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by Budred from Thursday, May 12, 2011 7:23:00 AM)| | | Budred wrote: | | That's funny.
So, they blacked out on Sunday? (Quoting Message by velvet_liselle from Thursday, May 12, 2011 6:28:30 AM)
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velvet_liselle wrote: |
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A Hijacking of a plane in Moscow
Monday
We've just hijacked a plane with passangers on board as hostages at the Moscow airport. We demand a million dollars ransom and a flight to Mexico.
Tuesday
We're waiting for the reaction of authorities. We've drunk some booze with the pilots. The passangers opened their duty free purchases and we drank with them too. So did the pilots.
Wednesday
A negotiator has arrived. He brought vodka. We drank some of it with him, the pilots and the passangers. He asked us to release half of the passangers. We agreed to do it, why not?
Thursday
The released passangers came back with more vodka. We partied all night. We released the other half of the passangers as well as the pilots.
Friday
The other half of the passangers and the pilots came back with more booze. They brought a lot of friends. We partied all night again
Saturday
The plane got invaded by Specnaz. they brought vodka. We all partied till Monday.
Monday
More and more people with vodka are coming. There's police, firemen, even some marines.
Tuesday
We have enough. We want to surrender and release the plane. Specnaz doesn't agree to it. The pilots are joined by their families from Vladivostok. They brought more booze.
Wednesday
We are negotiating. The passsangers agree to release us if we bring more vodka.
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Edited at: Thursday, May 12, 2011 7:25:06 AM |
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| [Budred] Thursday, May 12, 2011 7:23:00 AM | |
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That's funny.
So, they blacked out on Sunday? [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by velvet_liselle from Thursday, May 12, 2011 6:28:30 AM)
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velvet_liselle wrote: |
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A Hijacking of a plane in Moscow
Monday
We've just hijacked a plane with passangers on board as hostages at the Moscow airport. We demand a million dollars ransom and a flight to Mexico.
Tuesday
We're waiting for the reaction of authorities. We've drunk some booze with the pilots. The passangers opened their duty free purchases and we drank with them too. So did the pilots.
Wednesday
A negotiator has arrived. He brought vodka. We drank some of it with him, the pilots and the passangers. He asked us to release half of the passangers. We agreed to do it, why not?
Thursday
The released passangers came back with more vodka. We partied all night. We released the other half of the passangers as well as the pilots.
Friday
The other half of the passangers and the pilots came back with more booze. They brought a lot of friends. We partied all night again
Saturday
The plane got invaded by Specnaz. they brought vodka. We all partied till Monday.
Monday
More and more people with vodka are coming. There's police, firemen, even some marines.
Tuesday
We have enough. We want to surrender and release the plane. Specnaz doesn't agree to it. The pilots are joined by their families from Vladivostok. They brought more booze.
Wednesday
We are negotiating. The passsangers agree to release us if we bring more vodka.
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Edited at: Thursday, May 12, 2011 7:25:06 AM |
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| [velvet_liselle] Thursday, May 12, 2011 6:28:30 AM | |
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A Hijacking of a plane in Moscow
Monday
We've just hijacked a plane with passangers on board as hostages at the Moscow airport. We demand a million dollars ransom and a flight to Mexico.
Tuesday
We're waiting for the reaction of authorities. We've drunk some booze with the pilots. The passangers opened their duty free purchases and we drank with them too. So did the pilots.
Wednesday
A negotiator has arrived. He brought vodka. We drank some of it with him, the pilots and the passangers. He asked us to release half of the passangers. We agreed to do it, why not?
Thursday
The released passangers came back with more vodka. We partied all night. We released the other half of the passangers as well as the pilots.
Friday
The other half of the passangers and the pilots came back with more booze. They brought a lot of friends. We partied all night again
Saturday
The plane got invaded by Specnaz. they brought vodka. We all partied till Monday.
Monday
More and more people with vodka are coming. There's police, firemen, even some marines.
Tuesday
We have enough. We want to surrender and release the plane. Specnaz doesn't agree to it. The pilots are joined by their families from Vladivostok. They brought more booze.
Wednesday
We are negotiating. The passsangers agree to release us if we bring more vodka.
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| [velvet_liselle] Tuesday, May 10, 2011 3:48:52 AM | |
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On the phone:
- Do you prefer bananas or strawberries?
- Are you at a farmers market, dear?
- No, in a pharmacy. |
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| [velvet_liselle] Monday, May 09, 2011 5:24:21 AM | |
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I decided to start a new topic with jokes - I have access to quite a lot of really hilarious though indecent ones and I'd like you to share them with me.
To start the ball rolling:
A rooster is chasing a hen. The hen is thinking:
"I'll do 3 more rounds aroung the chicken pen so that he doesn't think I'm too easy"
A translation from female language for men:
Yes = No
No = Yes
Perhaps = No
I regret. = You are going to regret this.
We need. = I want to have it
Do as you want. = You're gong to pay for this.
We have to talk. = I have a few remarks about your behaviour.
It doesn't matter. = Of course it matters, you idiot.
You;re so male. = You'd better take a shower, shave and use a deo..
I want new curtains = .....and carpets and furniture.
How beautiful flowers!. = Do you think only about sex?
Be romantic and turn off the lights. = I've just had a run on my stocking.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask you for something expensive.
do you really love me? = You're not going to like what I did today.
I'll be ready in aminute. = You can watch a movie on tv and have some beer.
Learn to talk to me = Just always agree with me!
A translation from male language for women:
I'm hungry. = I'm hungry.
I'm sleepy. = .I'm hungry
I'm tired. = I'm tired.
Why not come to my place? = When will you go to bed with me?
How about going out to a restaurant? = When will you go to bed with me?
Can I call you? = When will you go to bed with me?
Will you dance with me? = When will you go to bed with me?
I'm bored. = How about going to bed with me?
I love you. = Let's have sex now?
Yes, I love you too. = I've already said it, so let;'s have sex?
Let's talk = I want to impress you enough so that you agree to sleep with me.
Yeah, nice haircut. = Before it was better./ You paid 100$ for it?
(shopping) - this one's ok. = Buy one of these dresses and let's go out of here.
Edited at: Monday, May 09, 2011 5:46:27 AM |
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