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[Vaillant 3.0] Friday, March 03, 2017 10:36:33 PM
There are two ways to make a swiss roll.
One of them is to push Roger Federer down a hill.
[guidogodoy] Monday, February 13, 2017 12:38:46 AM
Now THIS has got to be a joke. Someone told me that Metallica was on the Grammys with Lady Gaga. Wanting to see the trainwreck, I Youtube it and it was...but what I didn't expect was first to see that Megadeth was given props for "Dystopia." "Great," methinks....until I hear what they play upon going to receive the award. NO WAY!!! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!? Yeah, the Grammys are clueless as is the Rock & Roll HoF but to play "Masters of Puppets" and a shitty cover at that when Megadeth gets their first Grammy?!? WHAT A JOKE!!!
The pilot of a small freight plane was getting complacent on his phraseology. Every weekday at 2:15 a.m. when stopped at a small airport, he would check in with: "good morning, Jones Field, guess who?" Well, the controller insisted on proper terminology. He lectured the pilot several times to no avail.
One morning the pilot said his usual: "Jones Field, guess who?" The controller then proptly turned off all the airport lights and responded: "Jones Field, guess where?"
From then on, the pilot used proper flight terminology.
[666ozzypriest666] Sunday, January 17, 2016 8:42:49 AM
How you can make Guido busy for hours ? You give him a piece of paper and write on it "please turn the page" on both sides... HHHHAAAAHHHAA!
SOME OF THE STUFF YOU SEE AND HEAR AROUND CALLED METAL.LOL
I ALLWAYS SAY TO MYSELF.LIKE FUC? IT IS.
THEY CLEAN IT UP,SOFTEN IT AND NUTURE IT AND CALL IT METAL .
WTF MAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN THAT AINT METAL
KEEP THE METAL ALIVE IN EVERY WAY SHAPE AND FORM NOT PARTIAL
HEAR SEE AND FEEL THE METAL TO THE MAX NOT PARTIAL
AMEN
[hellrider 31038] Saturday, March 23, 2013 7:34:35 PM
SOME OF THE STUFF YOU SEE AND HEAR AROUND CALLED METAL.LOL
I ALLWAYS SAY TO MYSELF.LIKE FUC? IT IS.
THEY CLEAN IT UP,SOFTEN IT AND NUTURE IT AND CALL IT METAL .
WTF MAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN THAT AINT METAL
KEEP THE METAL ALIVE IN EVERY WAY SHAPE AND FORM NOT PARTIAL
HEAR SEE AND FEEL THE METAL TO THE MAX NOT PARTIAL
AMEN
[guidogodoy] Thursday, January 24, 2013 7:13:00 PM
The pilot of a small freight plane was getting complacent on his phraseology. Every weekday at 2:15 a.m. when stopped at a small airport, he would check in with: "good morning, Jones Field, guess who?" Well, the controller insisted on proper terminology. He lectured the pilot several times to no avail.
One morning the pilot said his usual: "Jones Field, guess who?" The controller then proptly turned off all the airport lights and responded: "Jones Field, guess where?"
From then on, the pilot used proper flight terminology.
[Tyrant] Monday, January 14, 2013 6:42:51 AM
Quick joke.........
Chuck Norris, what a joke!
Nuff said....
Never turn your back, on the Ripper! T.O.
[Zomby] Wednesday, January 09, 2013 3:51:42 PM
confusious have sex in a fireplace is fucking grate
[Stratovarius217] Sunday, July 08, 2012 3:21:54 PM
What kind of cologne does Halford wear ? .......ENGLISH LEATHER !
[METALMANJP] Friday, September 30, 2011 8:54:17 AM
What kind of cologne does Halford wear ? .......ENGLISH LEATHER !
[metalgodess] Wednesday, September 07, 2011 5:01:00 PM
What would George Washington do if he were alive today?
Scream and scratch at the lid of his coffin.
[metalgodess] Wednesday, September 07, 2011 4:58:04 PM
What's red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
~ This and many other twisted gems can be found on Anti-joke.com - some very sick and funny stuff. Not for the easily offended. ~
[winged singer] Wednesday, September 07, 2011 4:34:48 PM
What's the difference between a wizard's wand and a policeman's baton?
One is good for cunning stunts........... Edited at: Wednesday, September 07, 2011 4:38:08 PM
[_strat_] Sunday, July 24, 2011 3:03:18 PM
Religions of the world
Taoism - Shit happens
Hare Krishna - Shit happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding
Hinduism - This shit happened before
Islam - If shit happens, take a hostage
Zen - What is the sound of shit happening?
Buddhism - When shit happens, is it really shit?
Confucianism - Confucius say: "Shit happens."
Protestantism - Shit wont happen, if I work harder.
Catholicism - If shit happens, I deserve it.
Jehowahs Witness- Knock, knock, "shit happens".
Mormon - Shit happens again and again and again...
Judaism - Why does this shit always happen to me?
Rastafarianism - Lets smoke this shit!
There, and now my own:
Atheism - I cant believe this shit!
[METALMANJP] Wednesday, March 02, 2011 8:41:39 AM
A female employee goes to the human rescource dept to file a sexual harassment suit. She tells the manager "everyday when I am at the coffee machine this employee comes up and smells the air and say's "God your hair smells good". The manager say's I don't think that constitutes a sexual harassment suit. The female employee replies "Yea but it's Keith the midget !"
[metalgodess] Tuesday, March 01, 2011 4:50:15 PM
There's a lovely social going on at the nursing home. Many of the residents are enjoying the dancing and socializing. One particularly vivacious older gal sees a gentleman in his 80's sitting quietly by himself, and saunters over to him.
"Hiya handsome," she says. She leans in and whispers, "I can give you Super Sex."
The old guy thinks for a moment, then answers, "I'll take the soup."
[Necroticist] Wednesday, October 20, 2010 8:46:23 AM
Jokes? yes...Halford 'Made Of Metal' lyrics....honestly....so goddamn lame...prolly written whilst bored on the toilet...is an insult to metal fans worldwide....generic 'give em what they want' CRAP...
[acolyte55] Thursday, August 26, 2010 1:27:55 PM
a blonde , a priest, a rabbi , and a midget walk into a bar , the bartender looks at them and says " what is this, some kind of f@##*&g joke!!!!
[_strat_] Thursday, August 26, 2010 12:49:47 PM
[icecreamman] Wednesday, August 18, 2010 6:31:01 PM
A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it.
He approaches the bartender and asks,
"What's with the money in the jar?"
"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Ferrari."
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"
"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."
So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10which he stuffs into the jar.
"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:
First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."
"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."
"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."
The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 - but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"
"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is.."
As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!"
He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can..
Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds!
Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence!
Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body.
He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"
A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it.
He approaches the bartender and asks,
"What's with the money in the jar?"
"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Ferrari."
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"
"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."
So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10which he stuffs into the jar.
"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:
First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."
"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."
"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."
The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 - but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"
"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is.."
As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!"
He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can..
Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds!
Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence!
Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body.
He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"
[Painkiller87] Monday, March 15, 2010 12:37:00 PM
LOL! That is what you get when you deal with Tequila! [Show/Hide Quoted Message](Quoting Message by spiderpig from Monday, March 15, 2010 11:20:12 AM)
spiderpig wrote:
A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it.
He approaches the bartender and asks,
"What's with the money in the jar?"
"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Ferrari."
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"
"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."
So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10which he stuffs into the jar.
"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:
First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."
"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."
"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."
The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 - but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"
"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is.."
As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!"
He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can..
Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds!
Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence!
Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body.
He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"
[spiderpig] Monday, March 15, 2010 11:20:12 AM
A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it.
He approaches the bartender and asks,
"What's with the money in the jar?"
"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Ferrari."
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"
"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."
So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10which he stuffs into the jar.
"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:
First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."
"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."
"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."
The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 - but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"
"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is.."
As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!"
He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can..
Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds!
Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence!
Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body.
He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"
[Budred] Monday, February 22, 2010 4:45:59 PM
Does anyone know what a "Yankee" is?
Same thing as a "Quickee" only you do it yourself! Edited at: Monday, February 22, 2010 4:50:02 PM
[jaybone] Friday, February 19, 2010 8:19:35 AM
A HORSE WALKS INTO A BAR AND SAYS, " HEY BARTENDER , GIVE ME DOUBLE ". THE BARTENDER SAYS " YOU BET , BUT WHAT 'S WITH THE LONG FACE ? "
[musicgirl] Tuesday, December 22, 2009 9:37:36 PM
Head banger ...that is a funny joke.. I will have to tell that one at work.
[Head banger] Sunday, November 29, 2009 8:16:19 PM
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drinkand a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene : What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene : Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any drug store.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condomshe prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.' The pharmacist fainted.
Here's a couple classics...
--------------------------------------
A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says,
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His wife is lying in bed and replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep, you idiot".
The man says, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep!"
--------------------------------------A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.
Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?'
'My wife's.'
'What happened to her?'
The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her.'
He enquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?'
The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.'
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.
'Can I borrow the dog?'
'Get in line.'
Edited at: Friday, August 28, 2009 9:20:36 AM
[spiderpig] Friday, August 28, 2009 9:09:17 AM
Here's a couple classics...
--------------------------------------
A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says,
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His wife is lying in bed and replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep, you idiot".
The man says, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep!"
--------------------------------------A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.
Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?'
'My wife's.'
'What happened to her?'
The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her.'
He enquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?'
The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.'
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.
'Can I borrow the dog?'
'Get in line.'
Edited at: Friday, August 28, 2009 9:20:36 AM
[Painkiller87] Thursday, August 27, 2009 12:14:54 PM
Hung Chow calls into work and says,'Hey, I no come work
today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs
hurt, I no come work.'
The boss says,'You know something, Hung Chow, I really
need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my
wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything
better and I go to work. You try that.'
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again.'I do what you
say and I feel great. I be at work soon.........You got
nice house'
[spiderpig] Thursday, August 27, 2009 10:45:01 AM
CHINESE SICK LEAVE :'I NO COME WORK TODAY!'
Hung Chow calls into work and says,'Hey, I no come work
today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs
hurt, I no come work.'
The boss says,'You know something, Hung Chow, I really
need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my
wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything
better and I go to work. You try that.'
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again.'I do what you
say and I feel great. I be at work soon.........You got
nice house'
[Vaillant 3.0] Thursday, August 20, 2009 8:43:08 PM
Glad you all enjoyed it!!!!
[HOT ROCKIN' METAL GODDESS] Thursday, August 20, 2009 12:39:36 PM
Thanks Vail!! Peters - Rising...
I needed a good laugh today! [Show/Hide Quoted Message](Quoting Message by J.D. DIAMOND from Thursday, August 20, 2009 4:40:25 AM)
J.D. DIAMOND wrote:
LOL! Those names!!! Cracks me up Vaillant...."Butts-McCracken"......."Wang-Holder".....that is some funny shit there!!! lol!
Vaillant 3.0 wrote:
Found this article on Yahoo. Have fun!
Warning: Can get a little racy, so those with weak constitutions should NOT see this.:
[J.D. DIAMOND] Thursday, August 20, 2009 4:40:25 AM
LOL! Those names!!! Cracks me up Vaillant...."Butts-McCracken"......."Wang-Holder".....that is some funny shit there!!! lol! [Show/Hide Quoted Message](Quoting Message by Vaillant 3.0 from Sunday, August 16, 2009 11:14:55 PM)
Vaillant 3.0 wrote:
Found this article on Yahoo. Have fun!
Warning: Can get a little racy, so those with weak constitutions should NOT see this.:
[Coyote Bongwater] Thursday, August 13, 2009 10:52:29 PM
if you are a dale earnheart senior fan,, warning do NOT keeping reading, last warning if you read on you will be highly pissed and dissapointed so to avoid any drama stop reading now
....
... what do pink floyd and dale earnheart senior have in common
there biggest hit was the wall
Edited at: Thursday, August 13, 2009 10:53:08 PM
[spiderpig] Wednesday, August 12, 2009 12:38:50 PM
Sorry to the drummers out there but these are funny (well some of 'em are)...
• What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.
• What's the difference between a large pizza and a drummer?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
• How do you tell if the stage is level?
The drummer is drooling from both sides of his mouth.
• How can you tell a drummer's at the door?
The knocking speeds up.
• What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
"Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs?
• How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
He doesn't know when to come in
• What do Ginger Baker and black coffee have in common?
They both suck without Cream.
• How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better
Neil Peart coulda done it.
• How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they have a machine to do that now.
• How can you tell when the drum riser is level?
Drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.
• Why didn't the little drummer boy get into heaven?
Because he woke the baby for Christ's sake!
• What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.
• What do you call a Drummer in a Volkswagen?
Farfromthinken.
• What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
Put a sheet of music in front of him.
• "Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
"Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."
• Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
Because it can keep good time and won't sleep with your girlfriend.
• Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
Me neither.
• How do you get a drummer to play quieter?
Put a chart in front of him
• Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
So they can park in the handicapped spot.
• What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.
• How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
The knocking speeds up.
• How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.
• Did you hear about the drummer who went to college?
Me neither.
• How do you get a drummer off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
• What does the average drummer get on an IQ test?
Drool.
• What's the last thing the band wants to hear the drummer say?
"Hey guys, wanna try one of my songs?"
• What's the first thing a drummer says when he moves to LA?
"Would you like fries with that?"
• Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.
• How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.
• I once asked a drummer how to spell "Mississippi".
He said, "the river or the state?"
• How do guitar players get away with parking in the handicap spots?
They put drumsticks on the dash.
• What do you call a dozen drummers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start!
• Did you hear about the drummer who got accepted to Yale?
Neither did I.
• Why are drummers always losing their watches?
Everyone knows they have trouble keeping time.
• What do you call a kid with a set of drums?
The poster child for Birth Control.
• What do you call 10 guys in a drum circle?
A dope ring.
• What has three legs and an asshole?
A drum stool.
• What is the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?
One will mature and make money.
• Did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
Me neither.
• What do you call a beautiful woman on a drummer's arm?
A tatoo.
• Why do drummers have lots of kids?
They're not too good at the Rhythm Method.
• What's the difference between a high school drumline and shoes in a dryer?
Nothing.
• What's the difference between a drumset and an onion?
No one cries when you cut up a drumset.
A guy was hitting on a gal in a bar when he noticed her tattoo - a seashell on her upper inner thigh. He asked "Why a seashell?"
She replied... "If you put your ear up to it, you can smell the ocean."
[spiderpig] Saturday, August 01, 2009 11:57:57 AM
A guy was hitting on a gal in a bar when he noticed her tattoo - a seashell on her upper inner thigh. He asked "Why a seashell?"
She replied... "If you put your ear up to it, you can smell the ocean."
[jimmyjames] Thursday, July 30, 2009 6:17:31 PM
There's a new drug which can turn a woman into a man. It's called addadictome.
[FreakyMetalHead] Thursday, July 30, 2009 3:00:06 PM
Being the metal maniac that I am I tend to listen to a lot of metal music at ridiculously high volume and developed a ringing in my ears. So I go to the doctor to see what could be done about it.
I said Doc......what do I need to about this ringing in my ears? He said nothing! Just don't answer it! Bwwwahahaaa!!!!
[jaybone] Wednesday, July 29, 2009 9:09:44 PM
How far do you walk into a forest ?
Exactly half way,the other half you are walking out.
[kiamat] Thursday, July 16, 2009 10:29:18 AM
In 1952....
The Queen's coronation was on the Tuesday, the Derby on the Saturday. The whole world was agog at the proceedings in and around Westminster abbey. On the Monday night, a lady-in-waiting said to the Queen.
"Ma'am, you must be feeling apprehensive.'
"Yes, I am," she replied. "But I still think my horse will win." [Show/Hide Quoted Message](Quoting Message by Necroticist from Thursday, July 16, 2009 7:27:40 AM)
Necroticist wrote:
On a recent royal visit to Australia, HRH was asked by their prime minister if they could go independant and be 'The Kingdom Of Australia' - HRH replied 'You'd need a king for that.' He then suggested a Principality...she replied 'You'd need a prince for that'. At a loss he asked 'What do you suggest'? HRH replied 'stick with Country' ....
[Necroticist] Thursday, July 16, 2009 7:27:40 AM
On a recent royal visit to Australia, HRH was asked by their prime minister if they could go independant and be 'The Kingdom Of Australia' - HRH replied 'You'd need a king for that.' He then suggested a Principality...she replied 'You'd need a prince for that'. At a loss he asked 'What do you suggest'? HRH replied 'stick with Country' ....
[Necroticist] Wednesday, July 15, 2009 10:44:13 AM
What's the difference between a water biscuit and a lesbian?
One's a snack cracker....
[DelivererofEvil] Monday, July 13, 2009 6:48:42 PM
You may close the topic, the masters have been cited, there is nowhere else to go from here, hehe [Show/Hide Quoted Message](Quoting Message by spapad from Thursday, July 02, 2009 6:24:03 PM)
spapad wrote:
[spapad] Thursday, July 02, 2009 6:24:03 PM
[spapad] Sunday, June 28, 2009 2:48:34 PM
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Saturday, June 27, 2009 8:07:24 PM
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Saturday, June 27, 2009 7:08:47 PM
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Tuesday, June 23, 2009 4:54:28 PM
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Tuesday, June 23, 2009 4:53:09 PM
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Tuesday, June 23, 2009 4:51:28 PM
[hellrider 31038] Monday, June 22, 2009 8:17:29 PM
yeah LadyBathory9 classic entertainment.and a awesome actor clint eastwood [Show/Hide Quoted Message](Quoting Message by LadyBathory9 from Monday, June 22, 2009 8:13:13 PM)
[CountessErzebethBathory9] Monday, June 22, 2009 7:44:45 PM
Hes so cute!!!
PLZ..I didnt do nothin ...I swear!!
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Saturday, June 20, 2009 8:56:01 PM
SOmeone sent me this..
[pip] Saturday, June 20, 2009 8:16:56 AM
Two boys go into the pharmacy. They look up one aisle & down the next intent on finding a product
They make it to the check-out & proceed to put a box of Tampons on the counter
The clerk is very puzzled by this purchase & says to the one boy "How old are you ?"
The boy replies "I'm 8 but they're not for me--they're for my brother --he's 4 "
The clerk asks "Why do you want to buy Tampons ?"
The 8 year old says "On the commercial we saw it says you can go swimming & ride a bike with these & my brother can't do either yet !!"
out of the mouths of babes !!!
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Friday, June 19, 2009 5:00:46 PM
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Friday, June 19, 2009 4:59:23 PM
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Friday, June 19, 2009 4:58:41 PM
[_strat_] Tuesday, June 16, 2009 8:38:43 AM
Heres a proof that we are all addicted to computers. Look down.
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I said look down, not scroll down!
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Monday, June 15, 2009 9:19:36 AM
LMAO I have not seen that one yet.. MC Hawkings..LOL [Show/Hide Quoted Message](Quoting Message by _strat_ from Monday, June 15, 2009 6:11:59 AM)
_strat_ wrote:
Carefull... Hes not as harmless as he seems... Youknowhaddaimsayin`?
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
Okay Good nite Mr Hawkings... LMAO
_strat_ wrote:
Police academy trick - throw out the front seat and drive from the back...
Ok... WIth that said... I really have to go to bed... Good night.
Oh, and theres no "e" in stomach
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
How does that man even drive a car for christs sake,,, His stomache would hit the stearing wheel,,LOL
_strat_ wrote:
Lol... Yeah... To think that they go through such lenghts to get enriched uranium and whatnot... They could simply get a lot of beer... But that would take a while - a beer gut like that is a result of many years of hard work!
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
Yes, and to think we fear IRAN,,, hahahaha
_strat_ wrote:
More like you would start a nuclear holocaust... Imagine the gasses that must be in there!!!
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
LOL Coffee table..
I wonder if you poked him with a pin , if he'd fly all over the room... bahahhahah,,
_strat_ wrote:
Oh damn you... What is seen cannot be unseen...
With a gut like that, who needs a coffee table?
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
I can imagine the front view would look like this...LOL
[_strat_] Monday, June 15, 2009 6:11:59 AM
Carefull... Hes not as harmless as he seems... Youknowhaddaimsayin`?
Police academy trick - throw out the front seat and drive from the back...
Ok... WIth that said... I really have to go to bed... Good night.
Oh, and theres no "e" in stomach
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
How does that man even drive a car for christs sake,,, His stomache would hit the stearing wheel,,LOL
_strat_ wrote:
Lol... Yeah... To think that they go through such lenghts to get enriched uranium and whatnot... They could simply get a lot of beer... But that would take a while - a beer gut like that is a result of many years of hard work!
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
Yes, and to think we fear IRAN,,, hahahaha
_strat_ wrote:
More like you would start a nuclear holocaust... Imagine the gasses that must be in there!!!
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
LOL Coffee table..
I wonder if you poked him with a pin , if he'd fly all over the room... bahahhahah,,
_strat_ wrote:
Oh damn you... What is seen cannot be unseen...
With a gut like that, who needs a coffee table?
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
I can imagine the front view would look like this...LOL
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Sunday, June 14, 2009 7:26:53 PM
Police academy trick - throw out the front seat and drive from the back...
Ok... WIth that said... I really have to go to bed... Good night.
Oh, and theres no "e" in stomach
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
How does that man even drive a car for christs sake,,, His stomache would hit the stearing wheel,,LOL
_strat_ wrote:
Lol... Yeah... To think that they go through such lenghts to get enriched uranium and whatnot... They could simply get a lot of beer... But that would take a while - a beer gut like that is a result of many years of hard work!
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
Yes, and to think we fear IRAN,,, hahahaha
_strat_ wrote:
More like you would start a nuclear holocaust... Imagine the gasses that must be in there!!!
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
LOL Coffee table..
I wonder if you poked him with a pin , if he'd fly all over the room... bahahhahah,,
_strat_ wrote:
Oh damn you... What is seen cannot be unseen...
With a gut like that, who needs a coffee table?
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
I can imagine the front view would look like this...LOL
[_strat_] Sunday, June 14, 2009 7:25:21 PM
Police academy trick - throw out the front seat and drive from the back...
Ok... WIth that said... I really have to go to bed... Good night.
How does that man even drive a car for christs sake,,, His stomache would hit the stearing wheel,,LOL
_strat_ wrote:
Lol... Yeah... To think that they go through such lenghts to get enriched uranium and whatnot... They could simply get a lot of beer... But that would take a while - a beer gut like that is a result of many years of hard work!
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
Yes, and to think we fear IRAN,,, hahahaha
_strat_ wrote:
More like you would start a nuclear holocaust... Imagine the gasses that must be in there!!!
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
LOL Coffee table..
I wonder if you poked him with a pin , if he'd fly all over the room... bahahhahah,,
_strat_ wrote:
Oh damn you... What is seen cannot be unseen...
With a gut like that, who needs a coffee table?
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
I can imagine the front view would look like this...LOL
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Sunday, June 14, 2009 7:15:14 PM
How does that man even drive a car for christs sake,,, His stomache would hit the stearing wheel,,LOL [Show/Hide Quoted Message](Quoting Message by _strat_ from Sunday, June 14, 2009 6:59:03 PM)
_strat_ wrote:
Lol... Yeah... To think that they go through such lenghts to get enriched uranium and whatnot... They could simply get a lot of beer... But that would take a while - a beer gut like that is a result of many years of hard work!
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
Yes, and to think we fear IRAN,,, hahahaha
_strat_ wrote:
More like you would start a nuclear holocaust... Imagine the gasses that must be in there!!!
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
LOL Coffee table..
I wonder if you poked him with a pin , if he'd fly all over the room... bahahhahah,,
_strat_ wrote:
Oh damn you... What is seen cannot be unseen...
With a gut like that, who needs a coffee table?
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
I can imagine the front view would look like this...LOL
[_strat_] Sunday, June 14, 2009 6:59:03 PM
Lol... Yeah... To think that they go through such lenghts to get enriched uranium and whatnot... They could simply get a lot of beer... But that would take a while - a beer gut like that is a result of many years of hard work! [Show/Hide Quoted Message](Quoting Message by ~ MG_Metalgoddess~ from Sunday, June 14, 2009 6:56:13 PM)
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
Yes, and to think we fear IRAN,,, hahahaha
_strat_ wrote:
More like you would start a nuclear holocaust... Imagine the gasses that must be in there!!!
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
LOL Coffee table..
I wonder if you poked him with a pin , if he'd fly all over the room... bahahhahah,,
_strat_ wrote:
Oh damn you... What is seen cannot be unseen...
With a gut like that, who needs a coffee table?
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
I can imagine the front view would look like this...LOL
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Sunday, June 14, 2009 6:56:13 PM
More like you would start a nuclear holocaust... Imagine the gasses that must be in there!!!
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
LOL Coffee table..
I wonder if you poked him with a pin , if he'd fly all over the room... bahahhahah,,
_strat_ wrote:
Oh damn you... What is seen cannot be unseen...
With a gut like that, who needs a coffee table?
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
I can imagine the front view would look like this...LOL
[_strat_] Sunday, June 14, 2009 6:47:08 PM
More like you would start a nuclear holocaust... Imagine the gasses that must be in there!!! [Show/Hide Quoted Message](Quoting Message by ~ MG_Metalgoddess~ from Sunday, June 14, 2009 6:45:23 PM)
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
LOL Coffee table..
I wonder if you poked him with a pin , if he'd fly all over the room... bahahhahah,,
_strat_ wrote:
Oh damn you... What is seen cannot be unseen...
With a gut like that, who needs a coffee table?
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
I can imagine the front view would look like this...LOL
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Sunday, June 14, 2009 6:45:23 PM
LOL Coffee table..
I wonder if you poked him with a pin , if he'd fly all over the room... bahahhahah,,
I can imagine the front view would look like this...LOL
[_strat_] Sunday, June 14, 2009 6:33:02 PM
Oh damn you... What is seen cannot be unseen...
With a gut like that, who needs a coffee table? [Show/Hide Quoted Message](Quoting Message by ~ MG_Metalgoddess~ from Saturday, June 13, 2009 8:28:47 PM)
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
I can imagine the front view would look like this...LOL
[Metallark] Sunday, June 14, 2009 6:30:41 PM
It looks like a brewski sitting on top of the world. [Show/Hide Quoted Message](Quoting Message by ronhartsell from Sunday, June 14, 2009 4:25:28 PM)
ronhartsell wrote:
That's just plain obscene
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
I can imagine the front view would look like this...LOL
I can imagine the front view would look like this...LOL
[hellrider 31038] Sunday, June 14, 2009 1:59:14 PM
lol.i misunderstood lol.i dont look at guys as? cracks.lol [Show/Hide Quoted Message](Quoting Message by ~ MG_Metalgoddess~ from Saturday, June 13, 2009 8:25:12 PM)
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
ROFL.... I was talking about his ass crack,, ( to put a quarter in ) Are you saying your a cheap date there Hellrider???
LOL
hellrider 31038 wrote:
lol.dont need a quarter for my jukebox.just a cheap one but it works
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
So did the guy who came to fix the floor here,, and hes suppose to come back ewwww....
Got a quarter for the jukebox??? anyone????? LOL
spapad wrote:
Our Maintenance Man has that problem!
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Saturday, June 13, 2009 8:28:47 PM
I can imagine the front view would look like this...LOL
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Saturday, June 13, 2009 8:25:12 PM
ROFL.... I was talking about his ass crack,, ( to put a quarter in ) Are you saying your a cheap date there Hellrider???
lol.dont need a quarter for my jukebox.just a cheap one but it works
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
So did the guy who came to fix the floor here,, and hes suppose to come back ewwww....
Got a quarter for the jukebox??? anyone????? LOL
spapad wrote:
Our Maintenance Man has that problem!
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
[hellrider 31038] Saturday, June 13, 2009 8:21:06 PM
lol.dont need a quarter for my jukebox.just a cheap one but it works [Show/Hide Quoted Message](Quoting Message by ~ MG_Metalgoddess~ from Saturday, June 13, 2009 8:18:11 PM)
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
So did the guy who came to fix the floor here,, and hes suppose to come back ewwww....
Got a quarter for the jukebox??? anyone????? LOL
spapad wrote:
Our Maintenance Man has that problem!
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
[spapad] Saturday, June 13, 2009 8:19:34 PM
It must be a trait of the trade! LOL [Show/Hide Quoted Message](Quoting Message by ~ MG_Metalgoddess~ from Saturday, June 13, 2009 8:18:11 PM)
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
So did the guy who came to fix the floor here,, and hes suppose to come back ewwww....
Got a quarter for the jukebox??? anyone????? LOL
spapad wrote:
Our Maintenance Man has that problem!
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Saturday, June 13, 2009 8:18:11 PM
So did the guy who came to fix the floor here,, and hes suppose to come back ewwww....
Got a quarter for the jukebox??? anyone????? LOL [Show/Hide Quoted Message](Quoting Message by spapad from Saturday, June 13, 2009 8:16:53 PM)
spapad wrote:
Our Maintenance Man has that problem!
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
[spapad] Saturday, June 13, 2009 8:16:53 PM
Our Maintenance Man has that problem! [Show/Hide Quoted Message](Quoting Message by ~ MG_Metalgoddess~ from Saturday, June 13, 2009 8:12:25 PM)
~ MG_Metalgoddess~ wrote:
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Saturday, June 13, 2009 8:12:25 PM
[_strat_] Friday, June 12, 2009 5:04:44 PM
LMAO!!! Thats the funniest thing Ive seen in a while... Yup, cats are definately the smartest animals out there... One day theyll lose it, and then we are all screwed... [Show/Hide Quoted Message](Quoting Message by ~ MG_Metalgoddess~ from Friday, June 12, 2009 4:46:32 PM)
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Friday, June 12, 2009 4:01:31 PM
[pip] Friday, June 12, 2009 8:09:49 AM
TRUE LOVE
AN OLD MAN & OLD WOMEN HAD BEEN MARRIED TO EACH OTHER FOR MANY YEARS EVEN THOUGH THEY COULDN'T STAND EACH OTHER.
WHEN THEY HAD A FIGHT,SCREAMS.YELLS & GOD AWFUL NOISES COULD BE HEARD THROUGH THE NIGHT.
A CONSTANT STATEMENT WAS HEARD BY THE NEIGHBORS WHO FEARED THE MAN THE MOST
" WHEN I DIE I'LL DIG MY WAY OUT OF THE GRAVE & COME BACK & HAUNT YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE "
THE NEIGHBORS BELEIVED THE MAN WAS INTO BLACK MAGIC & WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MISSING CATS & DOGS & STRANGE NOISES AT ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT .
HE DIED SUDDENLY & THE WOMAN HAD A CLOSED CASKET FUNERAL AFTER THE FUNERAL WAS OVER THE OLD WOMAN WENT TO THE LOCAL BAR & PARTIED LIKE THERE WAS NO TOMORROW.
THE NEIGHBORS GATHERED AROUND HER ASKING "AREN'T YOU CONCERNED OR WORRIED THAT HE WILL DIG HIS WAY OUT OF THE GRAVE ?"
THE OLD WOMAN PUT DOWN HER DRINK & SAID "LET THE JERK DIG. I HAD HIM BURIED UPSIDE DOWN !!"
AHH TRUE LOVE !!
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Thursday, June 11, 2009 3:09:58 PM
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Thursday, June 11, 2009 3:06:19 PM
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Thursday, June 11, 2009 3:05:04 PM
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and to think we fear IRAN,,, hahahaha 
( to put a quarter in ) Are you saying your a cheap date there Hellrider???
