My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the
channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust'
And then the fight started...
=========================================================
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3
seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
=========================================================
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her
someplace expensive...
so, I took her to a gas station...
And then the fight started...
=========================================================
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to
verify my age I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt
revealing my curly silver hair.. She said, 'That silver hair on your
chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security
application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.
She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
=========================================================
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and
I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone
at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear
she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
=========================================================
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the
road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how
sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem
funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it ... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started...
=========================================================
THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to
me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something
else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf -
always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I
arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I
was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a
toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as
well sweep the driveway.'
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
Moral to this story: Marriage is a relationship in which one person
is always right, and the other is the husband.
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