JD...you're going to be fine...you have an eye on what's going on and that's more than a lot of parents these days...I haven't always lived with my kids, and at their ages I never will again (unless something tragic happens), and it's a tough situation to be in, no doubt...but you have never given up and that's a testament to your love for him...and your love for him is what makes the pain hurt even worse...I don't remember if you mentioned his age or not, but as any parent would say, as long as you two are drawing breath it's never too late...he's got your blood in his veins, so some of your smarts has made it as well...it's a never ending journey my friend, don't lose the faith!!!
[Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by J.D. DIAMOND from Sunday, March 08, 2009 9:56:02 PM)| |  | J.D. DIAMOND wrote: | | Thanks Freeze,I appreciate that. I understand that I'm on the right track and as Head Banger said there is no instruction manual,its still kinda therapeutic to hear advice from others..... especially your advise Freeze.
| | | Deep Freeze wrote: | | ...its just frustrating at times ya know?
Yes, my friend. I do know. It is frustrating, annoying, painful, frightening, confusing, tedious and so on. But they are our children and we love them. There is nothing you can do about it. I am proud of you, JD. Stay strong. Be a good dad and lead the way........ by always doing the right thing.
| | | J.D. DIAMOND wrote: | | Thanks Freeze and thank you too Bev. Head banger,I hear your point of view as well. Yes... I suppose your right Freeze,well...I know your right.And as you know I've never givin up and I am doing the right thing but why does it still feel sometimes as if I failed? It seems that if I could turn back time a few notches I could of done something else differently but when I go to think of what....there is nothing,I did do everything I could at that time...its just frustrating at times ya know?
(Quoting Message by Deep Freeze from Sunday, March 08, 2009 9:30:25 AM)
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Deep Freeze wrote: |
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You're right, Bev. JD, this is another common mistake. YOU are not at fault here and it is not YOU that is failing!!! There is no shame in admitting that you have tried and it is not working. In fact, the only shame is in "giving up". NEVER stop trying, my friend. That does not mean you have to give him money or anything else! It means you demonstrate how to be a man. You stand up and say, "NO MORE." You go to work. You pay your bills. You are there if he needs advice. You do the right thing.
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J.D. DIAMOND wrote: |
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Your absolutely right Freeze and you as well ronhartsell.I feel I have "failed" as a parent,and maybe I have beings my kid did'nt live with me even though I was around almost every weekend till he was 13. It doesn't matter it's not the same.But you do have to "let go" and let them make thier own mistakes especially if they will not listen.
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Deep Freeze wrote: |
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Oh, absolutely Bev! How about the parent that was "never there"? The parent that chose drugs or alcohol and divorced the spouse to pursue a life of decadence? Sure. One day, he or she finds an opportuntiy to re-introduce into the child's life and over compensates by allowing the kid anything! But, you see, THIS is on the parent! This is what parenting really is! One must overcome one's inate sense of self and think of the child. A most arduous prospect, I'm afraid. Far too easy to try to live vicariously through an offspriing.
I realize it is not a black and white issue. Each child is different and really the only reason I have spoke up is because I care about JD and his struggle. Clearly, it is of great importance to him, as he has been posting about it now on a regular basis. I feel for him. I know with what he is dealing. The Princess has many of the same problems with her two boys. I see the pain. The difficulties. It is hard. Most all of you know that I have a daughter but she is grown and has her own family. I do not think I could do what she does with those young boys. My patience is just not that strong.
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Bev wrote: |
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Here is something to consider: Could it be that sometimes we as parents try to over compensate - where one's own parents may have been authoritarian we take an altogether passive approach or vice versa?
Thank goodness I have an aquarian for a son, He is very self-assured (in a good way) and independent, I have to consciously remind myself that he is only 15. I am confident that if I left here tomorrow, he is very capable of taking care of himself ... (not planning anything, but you never know).
On that note, got a teen that wants to download some more aircraft for his FS!
Later all ... |
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Edited at: Sunday, March 08, 2009 4:48:33 PM |
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