Yep, it will take me a long time, if ever to get over this. Not that he cares...I doubt he can even comprehend how much he's hurt me, or how badly I wanted to be with him. I do blame myself, because I never felt I'd be enough for him. I felt like a consolation prize, like he was just putting up with me, till a better woman came along. He said he liked me, because my personality was a lot like hers. I put it to him that now that the real thing is back in his life, the back up is no longer needed. Though he didnt like the way I put that, he didn't deny it, so obviously I was right. I dont think I could ever be a nice guy's first choice. Im sure he just wanted me because he didnt think he could do any better. I always knew he could do better, and he finally proved me right. I blame myself for the pain Im feeling now, just as much as I blame him, if not even more so.
@Bev: Music has always been the one thing thats kept me going through hard times. But Im finding even that is small comfort to me at the moment. And certain songs, just make me feel even worse. I dont know where to find solace anymore :(
[Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by ron h from Sunday, August 09, 2009 6:53:21 AM)| |  | ron h wrote: | | Wow Angelic Storm...I'm really sorry to hear all that's happend to you. Please don't look at what he did to you to be any fault of your own. If we could see into a persons eyes and realize their motives from the start, none of us would ever experience the pain you're feeling right now...but we can't, and unfortunately we've all been there at some point. Please don't talk about yourself in a bad way, it's just not right to blame yourself for anothers' actions!! As was mentioned earlier, there are plenty of dirtbags out there more than willing to take advantage...men and women alike, no avoiding that!! But now your eyes are wide open, and that's a good thing. It's gonna take some time to get over this, it always does...if it didn't, then you'd be no better than him, and I/we can see that you are soooooo much better than that piece of garbage!!!! Keep your head up, dear...sometimes you have to walk through Hell to get to Heaven...and know you've got plenty of support here whenever you feel the need...
| | | Angelic Storm wrote: | | Well, I did think I wasnt good enough for him. Right at the beginning, I told myself it wouldnt work out, but he convinced me it would, that he did like me, and that we could be together. My gut instinct told me it would end in disaster, but I got carried away by my feelings for him. I guess the problem was, I thought I had found the right man for me, that I would spend my life with. He said he felt the same for me,. but somewhere, that all changed. I am ugly, so it wouldnt surprise me, if he just didnt find me attractive, even though he said I was a nice girl. He said he felt the same for me, but obviously not, if he can drop me like a hot plate as soon as this other girl showed up. He'd obviously been carrying a torch for her, and probably got involved with me without getting rid of those feelings. He excused it by saying "she just dissappeared", which is why he tried to make a go of things with me. But obviously, his feelings for me werent that strong, if he could lose them so easily. Ive never felt like this before, its the most painful thing Ive ever felt in my whole life. I feel so horrible. Before I met him, I was content on my own, I didnt think I needed love in my life. Having feelings for him changed all that, and made me realise that love, and feeling that special bond with someone else was something I actually did want. I wish I could go back to when I didnt know these kinds of feelings, but I cant. I now feel like I have a big void in my life, and I feel even emptier than I did before. Its like having something Ive deep down always wanted, being dangled in my face, and having it snatched away just as I reach out to grab it. I wouldnt say I was happy before I met him, but it didnt really bother me that Id always been single. I just feel lost because I dont know what to do, or how to get rid of this pain :(
Thanks Bev. *hugs*
| | | Bev wrote: | | Hope you don't mind a little more input ; )
Another way to look at what your intuition was telling you is perhaps not that you were not good enough for him, rather the chemistry simply wasn't there. We're all human. Kind of like when I worked in ops for a large corporation and an executive happened into our department ... if the execs house were burning, it's likely someone of a different social background would be the one to put out the fire and recue the family. OK, maybe not the best analogy. Hope you get my meaning nonetheless. It's all about learning to trust that inner voice, your gut feeling. 9 times out of 10 it's spot on!
Also keep in mind what Vail mentioned. Some are meant to and can live happily without being in a relationship. While there are some who can withstand the pain of heartbreak and fall in Love again ... as long as it's a mutually fulfilling situation, not abuse. Remember there are no cookie cutter relationships so avoid thinking just because your situation isn't like that of another (relative, friend, etc.) there must be something wrong in yours.
All my best! ; )
| | | Angelic Storm wrote: | | It has...
My intution told me in the first place that I wasn't good enough for him, but he kept saying I was. Then out of the blue, he starts putting me off any time I want to see him, he kept saying we couldnt, and making lame excuses like he cant commit to anyone right now. Turns out some girl from his past reappeared, told him she has feelings for him, he had feelings for her too, and that was it. This on its own, is bad enough, but for months Id been made to feel like this was all my fault, that it was something I did. Completely unaware that he'd been seeing this girl behind my back. He finally came clean last night, and told me what was going on. He said he led me on, and that he is sorry. That Im not worthless, but I dont believe a word that comes out of his mouth anymore after he lied to me. I feel like I was just a substitute, till someone better came along. The worst part is, Id really fallen for him, I honestly thought he was the man I was going to spend my life with. More fool me for letting myself believe that I guess. I feel ugly, and useless. I just cant believe he's done this to me. He had low self esteem when I met him, he didnt think any woman could be interested in him. I gave him all my love, and this is how he repays me? He obviously thought I was as good as he could get, as soon as something better is on offer, he just throws me away. I hate myself for being so stupid 
| | | Angelic Storm wrote: | | Dont worry, Ive learned my lesson. I wont be letting myself get close to anyone again. I really thought he loved me, I cant believe I was so stupid to let myself believe that. I wasnt good enough for him, and its that simple. I was a lot better off when I didnt know what being in love felt like, sadly, I cant go back to that. :(
Thank you Valiant.
| | | Vaillant 3.0 wrote: | | Hope you feel better soon, Angelic Storm. Love is a battlefield, you know? Personally, I'd rather not get myself into that battlefield.
What's wrong with being single, anyway? At least you don't have to worry about feeding another person's mouth. Embrace the independence, I say!
| | | Angelic Storm wrote: | | Ive only fallen in love once, and I wish I never had. I feel used, and humilated. But its my own fault I guess for thinking I had any chance of being with a guy like him. He just took me for what he could get, and ripped my heart up and threw it in the rubbish. I wont be making the same mistake again. :(
I think Im just destined to be alone forever |
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