[Becks] Saturday, February 14, 2009 1:40:39 AM | |
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Hehehe this one always makes me laugh
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[guidogodoy] Saturday, February 14, 2009 1:37:50 AM | |
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TIMMY!
Edited at: Saturday, February 14, 2009 1:38:24 AM |
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[adrianaec_88] Friday, February 13, 2009 6:31:58 PM | |
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LOL [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by spapad from Friday, February 13, 2009 6:30:26 PM) | | spapad wrote: | | Oh my God, might as well crawl under a rock! That was just brutal! Ok, I know the world is plagued with stupid people, but do they have to all live in the US! | | adrianaec_88 wrote: | | is this that for real?....
btw, the answer to what he said about women was a booooooo! LOL come on girl give me a break
the other day I saw this one And I just wanted to cry
Russia, China.... Indonesia, Brazil..... Canada LMAO
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[spapad] Friday, February 13, 2009 6:30:26 PM | |
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Oh my God, might as well crawl under a rock! That was just brutal! Ok, I know the world is plagued with stupid people, but do they have to all live in the US! [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by adrianaec_88 from Friday, February 13, 2009 6:17:52 PM) | | adrianaec_88 wrote: | | is this that for real?....
btw, the answer to what he said about women was a booooooo! LOL come on girl give me a break
the other day I saw this one And I just wanted to cry
Russia, China.... Indonesia, Brazil..... Canada LMAO
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[adrianaec_88] Friday, February 13, 2009 6:17:52 PM | |
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is this that for real?....
btw, the answer to what he said about women was a booooooo! LOL come on girl give me a break
the other day I saw this one And I just wanted to cry
Russia, China.... Indonesia, Brazil..... Canada LMAO
[Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by guidogodoy from Thursday, February 12, 2009 7:44:03 PM) |
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[spapad] Thursday, February 12, 2009 9:57:59 PM | |
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I was thinking South Carolina (sorry SC). I would say the bleach took the smarts out of her but I'm pretty sure she was void of any real thoughts long before. [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by guidogodoy from Thursday, February 12, 2009 8:08:53 PM) | | guidogodoy wrote: | | I had to look her up as she mentioned that she was playing for some sort of charity. Singer from North Carolina! LOL!!! | | spapad wrote: | | Oh, I have met so many like her. Why did she have to be soooooo southern? LOL |
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[Little Indian Angel] Thursday, February 12, 2009 8:27:59 PM | |
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Things that make me laugh
the thought of falling down in the shower |
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[guidogodoy] Thursday, February 12, 2009 8:08:53 PM | |
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I had to look her up as she mentioned that she was playing for some sort of charity. Singer from North Carolina! LOL!!! [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by spapad from Thursday, February 12, 2009 7:54:30 PM) | | spapad wrote: | | Oh, I have met so many like her. Why did she have to be soooooo southern? LOL |
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[spapad] Thursday, February 12, 2009 7:54:30 PM | |
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Oh, I have met so many like her. Why did she have to be soooooo southern? LOL [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by guidogodoy from Thursday, February 12, 2009 7:44:03 PM) |
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[guidogodoy] Thursday, February 12, 2009 7:44:03 PM | |
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[momo] Sunday, February 08, 2009 9:32:33 PM | |
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[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Sunday, February 08, 2009 9:30:19 PM | |
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LMAO That album prob won a fricken Grammy........ [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by adrianaec_88 from Sunday, February 08, 2009 9:29:14 PM) | | adrianaec_88 wrote: | | Talking about going to hell LMAO!!!
BOB SPONGE UNEMPLOYED AND DRUNK
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[adrianaec_88] Sunday, February 08, 2009 9:29:14 PM | |
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Talking about going to hell LMAO!!!
BOB SPONGE UNEMPLOYED AND DRUNK
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[adrianaec_88] Sunday, February 08, 2009 8:36:01 PM | |
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I F**** LOVE COLOURIG TOOO!! AHHHH!!!
LOL I don't know why I laugh at it
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[guidogodoy] Monday, February 02, 2009 5:55:49 PM | |
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HAAAA!!! Missed that one. Must have been due to the damn tennis finals (replay...hell if I was staying up until 3:30am to see the BEGINNING of the Aussie Open).
Poor Federer, btw...sniff. [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by Painkiller87 from Monday, February 02, 2009 1:14:36 PM) |
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[Painkiller87] Monday, February 02, 2009 1:14:36 PM | |
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[ron h] Friday, January 30, 2009 10:00:37 AM | |
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It's always been that way...lol...but he's a Cubs fan, lol [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by METALMANJP from Friday, January 30, 2009 8:48:37 AM) | | METALMANJP wrote: | | Yes sir | | ronhartsell wrote: | | Are you refering to the former Governor of Illinois?? | | METALMANJP wrote: | | BLAGO'S HAIR . |
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[METALMANJP] Friday, January 30, 2009 8:48:37 AM | |
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Yes sir [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by ronhartsell from Friday, January 30, 2009 8:48:10 AM) | | ronhartsell wrote: | | Are you refering to the former Governor of Illinois?? | | METALMANJP wrote: | | BLAGO'S HAIR . |
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[ron h] Friday, January 30, 2009 8:48:10 AM | |
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Are you refering to the former Governor of Illinois?? [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by METALMANJP from Friday, January 30, 2009 8:46:12 AM) | | METALMANJP wrote: | | BLAGO'S HAIR . |
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[METALMANJP] Friday, January 30, 2009 8:46:12 AM | |
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[ron h] Tuesday, January 27, 2009 6:33:39 PM | |
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Pretty damn funny HB...and NO, I didn't see it coming either!!! [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by Head banger from Tuesday, January 27, 2009 12:30:06 PM) | | Head banger wrote: | |
A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.' ................................................
'So I just switched the heads,' said the female blonde mortician.
BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!!
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[adrianaec_88] Tuesday, January 27, 2009 6:24:46 PM | |
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[guidogodoy] Tuesday, January 27, 2009 12:35:52 PM | |
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Haaa! NOPE, didn't see that one coming at all! [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by Head banger from Tuesday, January 27, 2009 12:30:06 PM) | | Head banger wrote: | |
A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.' ................................................
'So I just switched the heads,' said the female blonde mortician.
BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!!
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[Head banger] Tuesday, January 27, 2009 12:30:06 PM | |
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A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.' ................................................
'So I just switched the heads,' said the female blonde mortician.
BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!!
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[Justin Kenny] Tuesday, January 27, 2009 12:10:49 PM | |
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[guidogodoy] Monday, January 26, 2009 9:38:16 PM | |
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HAAAAA!!!! We are having a massive ice-storm blowing down on us tonight. Just let the dogs out for a break and ol' "Calvin Boytano" just ran from the house, lost his footing and slid flying off my deck right out onto the pool cover! Poor guy (damn, I wish I had that on film) LOL!!!!!!! |
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[Head banger] Sunday, January 25, 2009 10:32:32 PM | |
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A Newfoundlander Running in the Rain
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. 'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!'
'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!'
'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied. He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!'
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the St John's Labour Day marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 5000 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
'Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.
'Oh yes by'e!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'
Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?
'Oh , yes me by'e' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home! '
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'
'Lard Tunderin Geez No by'e.........just when it's raining. |
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[adrianaec_88] Monday, January 05, 2009 9:24:42 PM | |
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Ok, promise this is the last one I post, hahaha ... too funny... THE GOVERNMENT!!!! |
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[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Monday, January 05, 2009 9:07:43 PM | |
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LOL I have all the episodes... I miss that show.... I love elaine.. She is a prototype of me..LMAO [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by adrianaec_88 from Monday, January 05, 2009 8:54:21 PM) | | adrianaec_88 wrote: | | You sure remember this one .... I love the episode when she screams SteeeeeelllllllllllAAAAAAAA!!!! LMAO
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[adrianaec_88] Monday, January 05, 2009 8:54:21 PM | |
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You sure remember this one .... I love the episode when she screams SteeeeeelllllllllllAAAAAAAA!!!! LMAO
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[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Monday, January 05, 2009 8:50:11 PM | |
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[adrianaec_88] Monday, January 05, 2009 8:49:00 PM | |
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[adrianaec_88] Sunday, January 04, 2009 9:18:18 PM | |
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Lmao! I would have to disagree ....Named Tiffany. –20 Tiffany is a dancer. –40 [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by Darth_Painkiller_0870 from Saturday, January 03, 2009 8:21:36 PM) | | Darth_Painkiller_0870 wrote: | | Men's Merit/Demerit Guide
For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are deducted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIES:
You make the bed. +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows. 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. –1
You leave the toilet seat up. –5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty. 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex. –1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom. –2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings. +5
In the snow. +8
But return with beer. –5
And no liners. –25
You check out a suspicious noise at night. 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing. 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something. +5
You pummel it with a six iron. +10
It's her cat. –40
AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party. 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy. –2
Named Tiffany. –4
Tiffany is a dancer. –10
HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday. 0
You buy a card and flowers. 0
You take her out to dinner. 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar. +1
Okay, it is a sports bar. –2
And it's all-you-can-eat night. –3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. –10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal. 0
The pal is happily married. +1
The pal is single. –7
He drives a Ferrari. –10
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED). –15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie. +2
You take her to a movie she likes. +4
You take her to a movie you hate. +6
You take her to a movie you like. –2
It's called Death Cop III. –3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans. –9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. –15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly. –15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it. +10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. –30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." -500
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding. –10
You reply, "Where?" -35
You reply, "No, I think it's your butt." -100
Any other response. –20
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression. 0
You listen, for over 30 minutes. +5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience. +50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "Well, what do you think I should do?" -100
You have fallen asleep. –200
IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
You talk. –100
You don't talk. –150
You spend time with her. –200
You don't spend time with her. –500
You seem to be enjoying yourself. –1000
Game Over - YOU LOSE. |
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[Head banger] Saturday, January 03, 2009 11:42:49 PM | |
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it would be funny if it wasnt so true!!! [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by Darth_Painkiller_0870 from Saturday, January 03, 2009 8:21:36 PM) | | Darth_Painkiller_0870 wrote: | | Men's Merit/Demerit Guide
For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are deducted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIES:
You make the bed. +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows. 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. –1
You leave the toilet seat up. –5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty. 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex. –1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom. –2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings. +5
In the snow. +8
But return with beer. –5
And no liners. –25
You check out a suspicious noise at night. 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing. 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something. +5
You pummel it with a six iron. +10
It's her cat. –40
AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party. 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy. –2
Named Tiffany. –4
Tiffany is a dancer. –10
HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday. 0
You buy a card and flowers. 0
You take her out to dinner. 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar. +1
Okay, it is a sports bar. –2
And it's all-you-can-eat night. –3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. –10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal. 0
The pal is happily married. +1
The pal is single. –7
He drives a Ferrari. –10
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED). –15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie. +2
You take her to a movie she likes. +4
You take her to a movie you hate. +6
You take her to a movie you like. –2
It's called Death Cop III. –3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans. –9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. –15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly. –15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it. +10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. –30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." -500
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding. –10
You reply, "Where?" -35
You reply, "No, I think it's your butt." -100
Any other response. –20
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression. 0
You listen, for over 30 minutes. +5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience. +50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "Well, what do you think I should do?" -100
You have fallen asleep. –200
IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
You talk. –100
You don't talk. –150
You spend time with her. –200
You don't spend time with her. –500
You seem to be enjoying yourself. –1000
Game Over - YOU LOSE. |
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[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Saturday, January 03, 2009 8:32:30 PM | |
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LOL thats a good one! [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by Darth_Painkiller_0870 from Saturday, January 03, 2009 8:21:36 PM) | | Darth_Painkiller_0870 wrote: | | Men's Merit/Demerit Guide
For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are deducted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIES:
You make the bed. +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows. 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. –1
You leave the toilet seat up. –5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty. 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex. –1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom. –2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings. +5
In the snow. +8
But return with beer. –5
And no liners. –25
You check out a suspicious noise at night. 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing. 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something. +5
You pummel it with a six iron. +10
It's her cat. –40
AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party. 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy. –2
Named Tiffany. –4
Tiffany is a dancer. –10
HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday. 0
You buy a card and flowers. 0
You take her out to dinner. 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar. +1
Okay, it is a sports bar. –2
And it's all-you-can-eat night. –3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. –10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal. 0
The pal is happily married. +1
The pal is single. –7
He drives a Ferrari. –10
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED). –15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie. +2
You take her to a movie she likes. +4
You take her to a movie you hate. +6
You take her to a movie you like. –2
It's called Death Cop III. –3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans. –9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. –15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly. –15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it. +10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. –30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." -500
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding. –10
You reply, "Where?" -35
You reply, "No, I think it's your butt." -100
Any other response. –20
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression. 0
You listen, for over 30 minutes. +5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience. +50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "Well, what do you think I should do?" -100
You have fallen asleep. –200
IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
You talk. –100
You don't talk. –150
You spend time with her. –200
You don't spend time with her. –500
You seem to be enjoying yourself. –1000
Game Over - YOU LOSE. |
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[Return_of_Darth_Painkiller_0870] Saturday, January 03, 2009 8:21:36 PM | |
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Men's Merit/Demerit Guide
For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are deducted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIES:
You make the bed. +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows. 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. –1
You leave the toilet seat up. –5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty. 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex. –1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom. –2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings. +5
In the snow. +8
But return with beer. –5
And no liners. –25
You check out a suspicious noise at night. 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing. 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something. +5
You pummel it with a six iron. +10
It's her cat. –40
AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party. 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy. –2
Named Tiffany. –4
Tiffany is a dancer. –10
HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday. 0
You buy a card and flowers. 0
You take her out to dinner. 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar. +1
Okay, it is a sports bar. –2
And it's all-you-can-eat night. –3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. –10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal. 0
The pal is happily married. +1
The pal is single. –7
He drives a Ferrari. –10
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED). –15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie. +2
You take her to a movie she likes. +4
You take her to a movie you hate. +6
You take her to a movie you like. –2
It's called Death Cop III. –3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans. –9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. –15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly. –15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it. +10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. –30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." -500
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding. –10
You reply, "Where?" -35
You reply, "No, I think it's your butt." -100
Any other response. –20
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression. 0
You listen, for over 30 minutes. +5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience. +50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "Well, what do you think I should do?" -100
You have fallen asleep. –200
IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
You talk. –100
You don't talk. –150
You spend time with her. –200
You don't spend time with her. –500
You seem to be enjoying yourself. –1000
Game Over - YOU LOSE. |
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[Bev] Wednesday, December 31, 2008 1:07:23 PM | |
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[Roger_ Blade] Wednesday, December 31, 2008 11:14:33 AM | |
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Both of you shut up!
jummyjames
adrianaec-88 |
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[jimmyjames] Wednesday, December 31, 2008 12:44:55 AM | |
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Bush looks like he's about to blow someone in a couple of those photos. |
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[adrianaec_88] Monday, December 29, 2008 10:33:40 AM | |
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LMAO!!! |
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[jimmyjames] Sunday, December 28, 2008 2:22:11 AM | |
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Yesterday I saw a dwarf, that was funny. |
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[Justin Kenny] Monday, December 22, 2008 12:22:41 PM | |
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It's probably already been posted on a link or talked about already...but I only saw it last week during my vacation for the first time..so..forgive me if this is old news...but boy howdy....I laughed like my feet were being tickled when I saw footage highlights of the year 2008, and that one dude was throwing his shoes at President Bush.......oh man....that shit took the ever-lovin' cake!!! I'd never seen a President have to duck and weave like that....I found it too damn funny.... |
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[jimmyjames] Monday, December 22, 2008 5:17:15 AM | |
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Today I asked a five year old to pick a cd out of the many I have for us to listen to. He picked Priests Hell Bent For Leather. Great choice. Later I asked a three year old to do the same thing, the first cd she picked out was Stay Hungry by Twisted Sister. As soon as she saw that picture of Dee Snyder on the cover she put it straight back and grabbed another one. I think Dee scared her. |
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[hellrider 31038] Sunday, December 21, 2008 3:56:32 PM | |
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when i am riding my bicycle through a snow storm like we got friday and people scream at me GET OFF THE ROAD YOU DARN IDIOT Edited at: Sunday, December 21, 2008 3:56:58 PM |
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[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Saturday, December 13, 2008 1:28:38 PM | |
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Bahhhhhh... I love it!!!!! Thanks for making me smile!!!! & Laugh...≈ [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by Head banger from Saturday, December 13, 2008 12:03:56 PM) | | Head banger wrote: | | My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the
channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust'
And then the fight started...
=========================================================
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3
seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
=========================================================
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her
someplace expensive...
so, I took her to a gas station...
And then the fight started...
=========================================================
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to
verify my age I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt
revealing my curly silver hair.. She said, 'That silver hair on your
chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security
application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.
She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
=========================================================
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and
I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone
at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear
she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
=========================================================
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the
road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how
sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem
funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it ... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started...
=========================================================
THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to
me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something
else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf -
always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I
arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I
was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a
toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as
well sweep the driveway.'
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
Moral to this story: Marriage is a relationship in which one person
is always right, and the other is the husband.
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[blackshadow] Saturday, December 13, 2008 12:09:20 PM | |
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I saw a clip on youtube the other day that had me rolling around on the floor. It was an interview by one of our ellustrious ministers and in mid sentence, he just vanished off the screen as his chair gave way under him. - ROFL. |
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[Head banger] Saturday, December 13, 2008 12:03:56 PM | |
|
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the
channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust'
And then the fight started...
=========================================================
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3
seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
=========================================================
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her
someplace expensive...
so, I took her to a gas station...
And then the fight started...
=========================================================
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to
verify my age I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt
revealing my curly silver hair.. She said, 'That silver hair on your
chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security
application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.
She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
=========================================================
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and
I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone
at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear
she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
=========================================================
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the
road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how
sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem
funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it ... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started...
=========================================================
THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to
me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something
else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf -
always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I
arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I
was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a
toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as
well sweep the driveway.'
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
Moral to this story: Marriage is a relationship in which one person
is always right, and the other is the husband.
|
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[Head banger] Sunday, December 07, 2008 11:01:50 PM | |
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This is old, but #25 has come true now
If Microsoft Built Cars
At a computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "if GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors made the following contribution to the debate:
"If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would just die on the motorway for no reason, You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the car windows, shut it off, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this, restart and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd accept this too.
5. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
6. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bout a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.
7. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, twice as reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but it would only run on five percent of the roads.
8. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars which would make their cars go much slower.
9. The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
10. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many years.
11. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft petrol and lubricants but the packaging would be superb.
12. New seats would force everyone to have the same size arse.
13. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
14. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.
15. They wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with their engine suppliers. The latest engine would have 1 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it.
16. There would be an "Engium Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most existing roads.
17. Microsoft cars would have a special radio/cassette player which would only be able to listen to Microsoft FM, and play Microsoft Cassettes.Unless of course, you buy the upgrade to use existing stuff.
18. Microsoft would do so well, because even though they don't own anyroads, all of the road manufacturers would give away Microsoft cars free,including IBM.
19. If you still ran old versions of car (ie. CarDOS 6.22/CarWIN 3.11),then you would be called old fashioned, but you would be able to drive muchfaster, and on more roads!
20. If you couldn't afford to buy a new car, then you could just borrowyour friends, and then copy it.
21. Whenever you bought a car, you would have to reorganize the ignitionfor a few days before it worked.
22. You would need to buy an upgrade to run cars on a motorway next to each other.
23. Every time Microsoft introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
24. Microsoft would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Automobile Association Road maps (now a Microsoft subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more.
- You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
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[devils_child] Wednesday, November 26, 2008 7:39:53 PM | |
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Me just before work...
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[hellrider 31038] Wednesday, November 26, 2008 7:11:03 PM | |
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i scared a lady friend at work today and she screamed |
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