I'm not sure I understand exactly what you mean by "we, as parents, try to project ourselves and our childhood on our children". But if it's what I think it means, that can be both good and bad. If my dad were a spouse abusing alcoholic and I grew to be like him and then my son picked it up from me, that would be bad. I was raised to 'respect my elders at all times' and 'corporal punishment' ensured I obeyed that command. As a parent I taught all the kids to do the same but I also explained to them why it was important to do so. They learned that what came back at them as a result of not showing proper respect was it's own 'just reward', so to speak. As times change a parent has to recognize and adapt to it or the kids will eat you alive (lol). There are a lot of things out there for a parent to worry about these days along with the duties of parenting, and it's easy to get into a routine and the days just run into each other and the next thing you know 3 years have gone by in the blink of an eye. It's a tough job, but it can be done. I see so many young ladies with kids living at home with mom and dad and still out there every weekend going to the bars carrying on with their lives like they forgot they're mom's. Fortunately 'grandma and pa' can be there if they're going to carry on like that, but where's the responsibilty at? Are grandma and pa enablers? For every kid that makes 'it', how many don't??
[Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by Deep Freeze from Saturday, March 07, 2009 8:58:20 AM)| |  | Deep Freeze wrote: | | It's funny, all this talk about kids and their behavior. Sometimes I think we, as parents, try to project ourselves and our childhood on our children. We often forget that there has been a remarkable social evolution in our society which has, of course, affected values. I suppose it happens to each generation. Having said this, there is a constant that remains and THAT would be what we call "doing the right thing".
I recall my youth. Working for money to buy the things my parents did not give me was just what we did. My grandparents owned a small cafe and I worked there every summer. More importantly, there was school. In our family, there was NEVER any discussion as to whether or not you went to college. It wasn't optional. You finished high school and you went to college. That was that. It is difficult for me to imagine a childhood wherein I would be thinking about a full time job and "being on my own" as a teenager. School was all there was. Nonetheless, my parents made sure that I "did the right thing". What does that mean, exactly?
We all know that, when one commits a crime, one pays a price. There is consequence for action. In life, there is also consequence for inaction. The reckoning may come slower, but it does come. Far too many parents feel that it is their "job" to continually support their children. By support, I mean financial. I mean a place to live. I mean feeding them. All of which, at some point, should come to an end. As a child, the right thing means learning to be an adult. We all learn how to be treated. Children learn this from their parents. Those that are coddled, given money, sheltered from responsibility and whatnot learn dependancy. Parents think they are doing the child a favor, but they are sadly mistaken. There comes a point were a parent must realize that "helping" is actually enabling.
One of the most difficult things for a parent to do is to let go. Refuse to keep "helping". If a child has spent his/her lifetime learning dependancy, this moment is all the more difficult. If a child has learned that work and responsibility are keys to adulthood, it is less difficult. Doing the right thing. What a concept! |
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